Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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