no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
