Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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