I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
