I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
