There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
