I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
