soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am one with the molecules
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize