I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
