What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
