He is such a slut. More and more my type.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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