I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
