She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
