He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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