After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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