he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
