i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
