The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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