so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
