i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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