he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
