you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
