I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
