Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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