why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
