yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They have beer where we have blood.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
