I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
