I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
