Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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