you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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