This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
