Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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