What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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