hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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