Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So. Much. Porn.
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