I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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