He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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