he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
