how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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