If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
