I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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