my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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