obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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