there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
