dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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