I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
