What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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