'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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