I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You took a bar mat shot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
