I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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