Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
