i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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