There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
