If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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