I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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