at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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