it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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