Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize