I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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