Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
