normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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