I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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