I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
