how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
PANTIES FOUND
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