Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
