I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
try to milk me bitch
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