the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
