I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
