that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize