I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
