Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
