Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
