i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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