Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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