omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
