shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
