I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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